Mighty Blues

6 years 4 months ago #449 by Mark Croo­nen
While I’m post­ing stuff about footy, I came across this the other day and thought it was worth shar­ing

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Dear Carl­ton Foot­ball Club,

For the past 100 years we’ve had a rich his­tory of salary cap breach­ing, rape hush money, under­world ties, tank­ing, poach­ing play­ers, draft tam­per­ing, own­ing Arden Street, VISY, cor­po­rate cor­rup­tion, & brown paper bags. We have the biggest tro­phy cab­i­net in the league and decades of con­stant suc­cess dri­ven by a win-​at-​all-​costs men­tal­ity while show­ing utter dis­re­gard for all AFL rules. As a pas­sion­ate sup­porter I have fully embraced our cul­ture and I am extremely proud of what it had allowed us to achieve.

So when I heard about this sys­tem­atic dop­ing scan­dal I expected that as a pow­er­house club we would be at the absolute fore­front of this sci­ence. That we would have set up our own under­ground drug labs and the worlds best sport sci­en­tists con­coct­ing all sorts of per­for­mance enhanc­ing recipes in-​house that no-​one had ever heard of — ana­bolic leg injec­tions to make Arm­field kick straight, pep­tide pills that would cure Aaron Joseph’s utter shit­ness and some sort of ani­mal DNA muta­tion ther­apy to remove McLean’s turtle-​like qual­i­ties. We’d prob­a­bly even be con­duct­ing ille­gal human test­ing on North’s sec­ond tier play­ing list as a part of our own­er­ship of their club.

But no, we are in the mid­dle of the biggest cheat­ing scan­dal in AFL his­tory and Carl­ton is not even one lit­tle bit involved. Not a sin­gle men­tion, not even a hint of a men­tion. In fact the only drugs admin­is­tered at the Carl­ton Foot­ball Club over the past few years are botox injec­tions by Bryce Gibbs’ beau­ti­cian

There may be loser clubs like the Saints & Bull­dogs who would be happy to accept decades of medi­oc­rity while play­ing within AFL rules — but not Carl­ton sup­port­ers. The fact that unde­tectable performance-​enhancing drugs exists and we are not fully exploit­ing them to our advan­tage is an utter dis­grace. It goes against the fab­ric and prin­ci­ples that this very club was built on.

You have changed Carl­ton. You have lost the very iden­tity that made you a huge suc­cess and the envy of 15 other clubs. Get back to your roots, cheat your hearts out and start order­ing a few more shelves for our club’s tro­phy cabinet.

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